“When you say “no,” and you mean “no,” and the other person, regardless of whether it’s in a situation where somebody wants to attack you or a situation where somebody wants to change your opinion…
When you say no, and the other person continues, you should think immediately — not “how do I make it nice, how do I make it better” — but immediately think why is this person trying to control me because “no” is a complete sentence.”
Oh Em Gee. I needed this today!
Never apologize for feeling what you feel! “No” requires no explanation, addendum or justification. Oprah, FTW
I’m trying to stop justifying/apologizing every time I say no.
You guys see us reblogging a lot of things about consent and rape (and also abortion), but I feel like I need to talk about what consent really means (once again. Really, you can’t get enough of this).
Saying yes the FIRST time.
Stopping whenever someone (male, female, or any gender inside/outside the binary) says stop (or the safe word, if we’re going into kinky stuff where stop may not always mean stop. That means HAVE A SAFE WORD and TALK ABOUT THAT BEFORE SEX EVEN STARTS).
Consent does NOT mean:
Being coerced into saying yes. If you say no the first time the asker asks, they should stop asking. Pressuring people into sex isn’t consent. If they say they’ll hate you if you don’t have sex with them, it’s not consent. Don’t feel like it was. If they say they’ll love you if you do, it’s not consent. Don’t feel like it was. Besides, if they keep bugging you about it, then it’s not really worth talking to them anyways.
Being inebriated or passed out. If someone cannot give consent, it is not a given that it is ok to have sex with them. This shouldn’t need to be said. The person CANNOT GIVE consent, so it is NOT consent.
“They gave consent once, so it’s ok whenever I want to have sex with them.” This shouldn’t need being stated either, but it does. Things happen. Life happens. It’s ok to not want sex with someone if you have had sex with that person before. It’s ok to say so.
“We’re in the middle of it, so why can’t I finish?” Because they’re uncomfortable with whatever is going on. If someone needs to finish that badly, they have hands and sex toys. Another person’s body is not a personal sex toy. Remember that, and remember it well.
Rape is about:
Someone being in control of another person. And that’s it. It’s not about sex. It’s not about instinct. It’s about controlling another person.
It really fucking sucks that these things need to be said, but they do. Rape isn’t just something that happens in a dark alleyway. It happens in relationships and at parties. It is not something petty and stupid if it doesn’t happen like “every other stereotypical rape story”. No one’s story is invalid. No one’s experience is invalid. Please, NEVER tell someone that their story is invalid because it doesn’t fit your window of what rape “should be” and remember that rape shouldn’t be.