!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Could we stop with this consent is sexy bullshit? Consent is not sexy, consent is fucking necessary
^This. Also, could we stop with this [feminism-related idea] is sexy bullshit? Things are marketed as ‘sexy’ because our culture is obsessed with porn and the objectification of women. If you promote your ideology by labelling it as ‘sexy’, you’re participating in that culture. You’re basically saying that ‘sexiness’ equals value and desirability and, furthermore, implying that things that are not “sexy” have no value. That is not feminist. Not everything needs to be sexy to be valuable, and not everything that’s perceived as sexy in our culture is valuable.
thankyouthankyouthankyou
would it kill to not sexualize every-fucking-thing? Especially when it comes to something as serious as making sure people are consenting to sex and not forced into it? These just seems to mock that and i do not like.
at all.
I get the argument of the above commentary -not wanting everything to be sexualized, cuz quite frankly, everything we do it gets sexualized, and how the only time we are valued is if we’re sexy and accessible to cis-men. I understand, whole-heartedly. However, if they’re going to be making this kind of underwear anyway, are these messages not preferred over something along the lines of “get lucky”, “I get around”, “wink, pout, let’s go out” “your boyfriend says hi” or “let’s get a room”? Don’t get me wrong, there’s no shame involved with the latter messages, and I have no problem with them, but wearing underwear that says “ask first” is a lot more feminist-y than the others.
On the one hand, I understand that it’s frustrating that in order for anything important to have value, we have to sexualize it, much like the ‘save the boobies’ campaign for breast cancer (oh great, the only time we care about breast cancer is when precious boobies might disappear, and we don’t actually care about the person enduring breast cancer possibly dying). But on the other hand, if they’re going to make underwear like this anyway, does it hurt to have a feminist message on them? Maybe it’s a way to get the message out to a bigger audience who may have once ignored feminists. Maybe once they’re actually getting some action and they come across this, possibly quite literally in their face, they might think twice about what they’re doing, or in the very least, open up a dialogue about consent, coercion and rape.
Except how many people do you know who say stuff like “I hate talking during sex!” or “Ugh, I have to ask every time? That’ll just kill the mood!”? Consent needs to be sexy, because our current social expectation is that consent is unsexy, and that’s a huge problem. Getting people to actually be excited about the word yes and about enthusiasm and mutual desire is a big deal, because a lot of people are dealing with the fact that they don’t know how to think about dialogue as part of a sexual situation, and people who feel like the worst thing they can do is turn off their partner by asking for what they want, and that’s scary. “Consent is necessary”, yes, but also:
“consent is not boring,”
“no, you are not killing the mood by talking or asking,”
“sex is more fun when everyone involved knows how much everyone else wants it,”
“consent should make you feel good, and turn you on,”
“paying attention makes you a better lover,”
etc. etc. I don’t see how “consent is sexy” can be in opposition to “consent is necessary,” when ultimately both are about introducing the correct feeling of safety and comfort to sexuality. And I don’t see how this is sexualizing… sex? Consent to sex? Those things are already sexual. Introducing consent culture to sexual activity in familiar ways - with undergarments, with positive porn, whatever it needs to be for the people involved - will give a comfortable transition from the “speaking up is scary!” feeling to the “no, there is trust here, it’s okay if I speak up, and I’m entitled to!” It can help deal with those feelings of awkwardness or nerves in the moment. I don’t think these are intended for a public campaign, but a private one, and that’s important too.
(via tinydragongina)
